This is Murray Kinsella`s profile of the Australian coach and Connacht legend, Andy Friend, whose extensive career also included tenures with Harlequins, the Brumbies, and the Australian Sevens national team.
As we await our order at a cafe in central Canberra, Andy Friend stands up to assist the waitress in clearing a stack of dirty dishes from a nearby table.
Evidently, in the two years since his departure from Ireland, he hasn`t changed a bit.
Connacht supporters will tell you that Friend was always a gentleman. And it`s true.
He was a breath of fresh air during his five years as the western province`s head coach – open, engaging, treating both the press and fans with equal respect. Connacht players adored him, and you`d be hard-pressed to find anyone who speaks ill of him.
These warm feelings were mutual. He and his wife, Kerry, were happily settled in Galway for all five seasons. Only family ties drew them back to Canberra. They are now proud grandparents.
The Friends made lifelong friends in Ireland, extending beyond the rugby community. They connected deeply with neighbours, Kerry`s colleagues, and many others they met along the way.
Friend reflects: “There was a unique energy to the relationships with the people of the west of Ireland. You have to be a special person to live there, and that`s my kind of person. There`s an authenticity to them. I love their mindset: `We`ll find a way to get the job done.`”
For the first year after returning home, Friend maintained contact with Connacht coaches and staff, but in the summer of 2024, he consciously decided to step back. He felt it was time for everyone to move forward.
However, this doesn`t mean he stopped supporting the team: “I watched pretty much every game. If I couldn`t catch the live broadcast, I`d follow the score in real-time.”
In Canberra, Connacht games kick off at 2 or 3 AM, but Friend invariably wakes up to check the result. Sometimes he falls back asleep, only to check the score again 20 minutes later. If the match is tight, he gets up and turns on the television.
Despite this, he doesn`t miss the daily grind of being a head coach, and certainly not the endless calls and messages.
Twenty-nine years of professional coaching across Australia, England, Japan, and Ireland. Twenty-one moves. Frequent separations from his sons.
Friend recounts: “I was lucky that my wife is still with me, and I have good relationships with my kids, because it`s a brutal game.”
His first coaching job was at the Canberra Sports Institute. One day, he and Kerry brought their firstborn, Josh, who was just two weeks old, to the facility. An employee asked if they were married. At the time, they weren`t, but Friend said “yes.”
The woman responded: “Good luck, 80% of coaches get divorced in the first three years.”
About 15 years later, they met her again at an event and reminded her of the conversation. She interrupted: “I remember. You`re in the 20%.”
Friend credits constant dialogue, a patient wife, and sons who “forgave a lot” as the secrets to surviving the coaching lifestyle.
Therefore, when he signed a new two-year contract with Connacht in 2021, he made it clear from the start that it would be his last.
Before returning to Australia, he and Kerry spent six months travelling through Europe: France, Germany, Austria, Czech Republic, Italy, Slovenia, Greece. Initially, they had a strict plan, but later decided to simply go with the flow.
Friend did a lot of cycling, but the main rule was: by 5 PM, it was backgammon with a glass of wine or beer.
Their younger son, Jackson, is now a father of two himself. This was the primary motivation for their return. They`ve fully embraced family life, celebrating birthdays and helping with their grandchildren.
But Friend isn`t letting the experience accumulated over the years go to waste. This year, he briefly returned to rugby, coaching the women`s Brumbies team, but his main focus is his business, Performance Friend.
Before he left Ireland, IRFU specialist Dara Sheridan suggested conducting a comprehensive analysis of his work. After interviewing Connacht players and coaches, it became clear that Friend`s knowledge was too valuable not to share.
Consultations with coaching expert Roddy Coyle ultimately convinced him to try mentoring. That`s how Performance Friend came about. Although he hasn`t actively advertised, word-of-mouth has brought in the first clients.
Currently, Friend advises USA head coach Scott Lawrence, the coaching staff of the Australian women`s national team, specialists in rowing and water polo, World Rugby referees, and several other rugby coaches.
He also works with businesses outside of sports: “The most important thing in coaching and mentoring is connection. There has to be a rapport between you and those you work with. And for that, you need to be able to listen, be open, genuine, and show real interest.”
He managed to build such a connection at Connacht, and he`s already planning a visit to Ireland in December 2026.
He`s proud that Mack Hansen, Finlay Bealham, and Bundee Aki made it into the Lions squad, especially considering that Hansen and Bealham are Canberra natives.
He considers reaching the URC semi-finals in his final season as one of the main achievements, but even more important was that Connacht became a team that was difficult to beat.
Friend says: “Fans appreciate that. They don`t expect you to win everything, but they want to see you fight to the end. Generally, I think we managed that. I always believed if we were within two scores with 10 minutes left, we could still win. I loved that no matter the size of the battle, we knew we would fight. We weren`t afraid of it.”
He`s happy about the opening of the new training centre and is looking forward to the stadium redevelopment being completed in January. The arrival of Stuart Lancaster only confirms that Connacht is moving in the right direction.
But Friend leaves one word of caution. He wouldn`t want the team to start training only indoors in the new centre, forgetting about the wind and rain that make Galway such a challenging place for visitors.
He explained: “We have to remain the best Northern Hemisphere team in those conditions, because that`s our essence. That`s what breaks opponents at the Sportsground. I called it `Carty`s Corner` — that back right corner of the pitch. We`ll drive you in there because you won`t be able to get out. And we can, because we play in that chaos constantly. I`m happy they have the centre, but it`s important to use it wisely. It shouldn`t become a crutch, telling you: `Today we won`t train in the rain.` No, that`s what makes you who you are.”
As we leave the cafe, and he warmly greets an acquaintance from rugby circles, the impression is only reinforced: Andy Friend always remains true to himself.
